In case you didn’t read the “Farewell” post, but you still want to follow my new blog:
When I created this blog a few years ago, I knew it would be a temporary thing. I reblogged some stuff I thought was interesting or funny, posted my thoughts or writings occasionally, and that was all. Jump ahead a few years and now I have over 500 followers (I know, not that many, but still) as well as a correspondence with some amazing people from all over the world.
I was going to make this drawn out and full of sentimentality, but that doesn’t feel right. For some reason, short and to-the-point seems to be the path I’m going to take.
The only reason I kept this blog for as long as I did wasn’t the gifs, girls, or pretty pictures; I stayed here because of some of the amazing people I met in the process. I know this site is full of people who dislike themselves, others, and everything. I know this site is full of hurting, broken people who yearn for just one moment of peace in a noisy life. And I want to say, to all of you: thank you. You were pivotal in overcoming my own personal struggles that plagued me over the past few years. I love you all so very much. I also know this site is full of beautiful, intelligent, and talented people (who are often also the broken and hurting ones) and to you I want to say: don’t give up. Follow your passions and see where they lead, because I’m almost positive they will lead you to a full life, a happy life.
The whole point of this blog (and what I try to make the whole point of my life) is love. All of you have helped me love more completely, taught me a lot about life and the different types of people that exist in this world, and made me realize how not bad I look with a beard. Thank you.
Most of you will scroll by this and ignore it. But to those of you who read this and knew I was talking about you, this journey isn’t over. I made a new blog and I would be honored if you would follow it. It’ll be a bit different than this one, but it’s still me.
Follow it here: http://amstutsman.tumblr.com/
Well, I guess this is goodbye. I love you all. It’s been fun.
Anonymous said: If people have compared you to Jesus before, would you also compare yourself to Jesus?
This is the oldest message in my entire ask box. I received this message shortly after starting this blog, and for some reason never got around to answering it. I guess now’s the time.
(By the way, the background for this question comes from my nickname at work: Teenage Jesus. I got it because people thought I look like a teenage version of Jesus. The joke still lives today and leads to lots of references, but also gives me an excuse to tell people why the bigot, homophobic, misogynistic, racist, horrible American Jesus isn’t the real Jesus. So yeah, that’s why I was asked this question.)
This is difficult to answer, even though I’ve had like over two years to think about it. I mean, part of me says “sure, I can kind of draw a comparison” but only because I try to live as he lived and love as he loves. However, most of me says “…are you kidding? How could filthy, broken, disgusting me be seriously compared to this guy?!” because…well, let’s be real, I am a terrible attempt at being a follower of Jesus’ teachings. I couldn’t compare myself to him because I would be comparing an unending light and love to a filthy darkness. I often feel like I’m what would happen if you took Jesus, recorded him onto a tape, converted that tape to CD, imported it to digital, burnt it onto another CD again, and then scratched the hell out of it.
I have done some horrible, sin-stained things in my life that have led to a lot of pain and hate and negativity. However, I believe fully and completely in the forgiveness and grace of God through Jesus’ death and resurrection, and that no matter what we’ve done, we can still be forgiven and loved. It is because of this love that I know how to forgive and love others. I know people claim that one can know how to love and forgive without believing in God, and that may be true, but I assure you I have never known a love or forgiveness more pure and perfect than that which comes from the Creator of all existence as we know it.
So, to conclude, I would say that I do not draw the comparison between Jesus and myself because that would be like drawing a comparison between an original and an attempted replica. The original will always be better no matter how accurate the replica is. And besides, I live in a different time period than Jesus. I’m just a boy in 21st century America trying to live a life of love, as Jesus did. And if you feel as though I am living a life of love, all glory goes to my Creator.
Anonymous said: What is your dream girl like? And do you think you'll ever find her?
I’ve held onto this question the second-longest in my ask box history. Every time I was going to answer it, I didn’t feel as though I had been in the right place to answer such a question; whether I was involved with someone and felt awkward writing this, or it didn’t fit the mood of my posts for the day, I never felt like it was the right time to answer it.
Well, now is the right time. (Plus I’m completely single, which doesn’t hurt.)
My “dream girl” has remained pretty consistent throughout my life, and I don’t know why. Sure, I’ve altered and added some new attributes that I find alluring to this fictional lady, but overall, the concept of my “dream girl” has pretty much stayed the same.
Whenever anyone would ask me about my “dream girl” or if I could “design” a girl, what would I put in her (giggity), I would divide it into three categories: physicality, personality, and spirituality.
I’m going to go right ahead and get the most shallow bit of this out of the way first. Throughout my years as a romantically active, obnoxiously horny straight boy, I’ve developed an attraction to damn near every body type, hair color, eye color, etc. But for the sake of this post, I’ll just discuss my “dream girl” body construction.
I love big eyes. Let’s start there. Big eyes (like, seriously giant eyes) make me melt, regardless of color. I love big eyes. I used to have a thing for small-ish mouths as well (and lip biting…), and I still do, but it’s not as big of a deal anymore. As long as her smile makes me smile, I don’t care about the size of her mouth. Hair length isn’t a big deal either. I like it short, long, whatever. But I mostly fall for darker hair…like a really dark, rich brown. Especially when it’s natural. I like long, thin necks too. I’ve already expressed my liking for smaller breasts on here, but here we go again. For a range of reference, let’s just say I like somewhere between Emily Browning and Alison Brie best as far as breast-size. I love pale skin. Yes, the ghost-like, see-through, ridiculously pale skin. I love it. (I know I sound like I’m describing a Tim Burton or Edward Gorey drawing, but bear with me.) You probably guessed it, but I’m gonna add a really small body type here. Think Sherri DuPree-Bemis. Then again, I love curves a lot as well, so I don’t know. I like a girl with hips.
Anyway, let’s talk about fashion. I like a girl with quirky and cartoon-cute style, especially when she’s made most of it herself. A girl that makes her own clothes, accessories, etc. gets major attraction points from me. I also love when a girl owns her style and makes it her own. So now I’m done with the physical stuff because I feel super shallow.
Yay personality! These next two segments will be shorter because this is taking way too long with all the other stuff I have to write before 7:30 tonight. If a girl can make me laugh, like really laugh, I swoon on the inside. Creativity is a big deal for me too. I want my “dream girl” to be very creative, whether it’s music, art, writing, whatever. A creative mind is the most attractive mind to me. It also wouldn’t hurt if she liked any and all types of film so we could see any movie we want together and discuss it in depth afterwards. I want our interactions to be full of movie quotes and references. I also would like a girl passionate about the music she likes, regardless of what it is. I want a girl who reads, and reads a lot, but isn’t pretentious about it (like a lot of the well-read people I know). Basically it comes down to these: passion, creativity, and love. I want her to know who she is and what she loves, so we can share in those things together. I don’t want a copy of me. Girls who feign interest in things I enjoy are just…no. I don’t want a chameleon. I want us to disagree on films (but only sometimes =P) and have at least one band/artist that we listen to that the other cannot stand. I want someone different than me, because I’ve been dating me my whole life and I want something new.
Here’s where things get messy, and fast. I grew up in a Christian home and went through all the motions and yadda yadda until I eventually stopped going to church (but never stopped believing in God). When it comes to a “dream girl,” I have to be honest and say that I want a girl who is as in love with the Creator of everything as I am, if not more so. I want a lady who strives to live what Jesus taught in her every day life, and no I’m not talking about American Jesus. I want a woman who loves without judgement. I want a woman who forgives wholeheartedly. I want a woman who questions what the world tells her about God, religion, politics, and everything else. And at the end of the day, I want both of us to go to bed wrapped in Love.
Okay, so there’s my “dream girl.” A lot of that is pretty cheesy. But here’s the thing (and the answer to the second part of this question): the woman I end up with, if I do indeed end up with someone, may or may not fit this description—but the thing is, I don’t care if she does or not. I could list all of these things in explicit detail until the sun comes up and goes back down, but honestly, I’d rather she not be like this. I want a woman who takes me completely by surprise and teaches me things about love that I could never know without her. I want a love that is more than just a shallow list. And I know that if I do decide to devote the remainder of my days exclusively to one romantic endeavor, that this woman shall be lovely.